seriously, dearest blog reader, i need to do something with my main channel. and i don't mean another frikken learn german video. as much as i like being some sort of "teacher" for a few minutes (yes, as silly as it is, saying the words "my name is kiwi and i'm gonna be your host for today" somehow gets me into a mood that makes it fun to film these even though i hate that series. there. i said it.) this is just not what i wanted to do with my channel. ever.
it's ok to me if people think of me as "that german girl" but i feel like all anyone ever wants or expects from my main channel are these videos. and it's just no fun.
(and i know - you're gonna comment now, saying something like: "it's not true!! i like your other videos too!" because you're nice and if you made your way through the web to this blog and take the time to read it and even leave a comment i'm quite sure it's not just because of those silly language videos, but i know that the majority of my "audience" [weird term in my head. people have computers and they watch videos of other people with a webcam. no big deal. "audience". haha!!] subscribed to me because of those videos, and therefor expects more of them, and probably only wants to see those videos. i can't tell you how many times i get comments on my other videos that go something like this: "i like her learn german videos, but this was crap." of course in third person. because why talk to me directly. anyway!! see my point there? 90% of the youtube messages i get are about those videos. 90% of my comments are on those videos. you. get. my. point. here.)
and i'm aware that those videos are responsible for a lot of good things that happened to me through youtube and i'm thankful for that and like i said, i kinda enjoy making them sometimes, but it's still not the direction i ever wanted to take with my channel. i've signed up as a "director", category: "variety". and that's what i want. and that's what i need to get back to or otherwise i'm afraid i'll never post another video on my main channel again. and even though i like my other two channels as well, i've always loved my main channel, and right now i could care less about it.
alright, i don't even have the time to make videos right now (yes, not even "daily" vlogs, even though i'm sure i'll make a vlog on my secondary channel in the near future. simple and easy and blah) and the technical issues are a factor there too, it's just so not motivating, but yeah.. you get my point here :)
i'm gonna stop bitching and whining now and wish you a good day/night/morning/etc.