Tuesday, March 24, 2009


[dramatic] i feel like i've shoved my main channel into a hole and i don't know how to drag it out of it again. [/dramatic]

seriously, dearest blog reader, i need to do something with my main channel. and i don't mean another frikken learn german video. as much as i like being some sort of "teacher" for a few minutes (yes, as silly as it is, saying the words "my name is kiwi and i'm gonna be your host for today" somehow gets me into a mood that makes it fun to film these even though i hate that series. there. i said it.) this is just not what i wanted to do with my channel. ever.

it's ok to me if people think of me as "that german girl" but i feel like all anyone ever wants or expects from my main channel are these videos. and it's just no fun.

(and i know - you're gonna comment now, saying something like: "it's not true!! i like your other videos too!" because you're nice and if you made your way through the web to this blog and take the time to read it and even leave a comment i'm quite sure it's not just because of those silly language videos, but i know that the majority of my "audience" [weird term in my head. people have computers and they watch videos of other people with a webcam. no big deal. "audience". haha!!] subscribed to me because of those videos, and therefor expects more of them, and probably only wants to see those videos. i can't tell you how many times i get comments on my other videos that go something like this: "i like her learn german videos, but this was crap." of course in third person. because why talk to me directly. anyway!! see my point there? 90% of the youtube messages i get are about those videos. 90% of my comments are on those videos. you. get. my. point. here.)

and i'm aware that those videos are responsible for a lot of good things that happened to me through youtube and i'm thankful for that and like i said, i kinda enjoy making them sometimes, but it's still not the direction i ever wanted to take with my channel. i've signed up as a "director", category: "variety". and that's what i want. and that's what i need to get back to or otherwise i'm afraid i'll never post another video on my main channel again. and even though i like my other two channels as well, i've always loved my main channel, and right now i could care less about it.
alright, i don't even have the time to make videos right now (yes, not even "daily" vlogs, even though i'm sure i'll make a vlog on my secondary channel in the near future. simple and easy and blah) and the technical issues are a factor there too, it's just so not motivating, but yeah.. you get my point here :)

i'm gonna stop bitching and whining now and wish you a good day/night/morning/etc.



  1. I miss your face and i'll devour anything you do.

  2. I#m so with you, I have similar problems with my mainchannel

  3. Confession: I like your other videos better than your Learn German videos! Surprise, surprise! ;D

    I'm sure you'll get back to business soon, but until then: Embrace the changes! And stuff...


  4. You should not be afraid to create.

  5. i think you should only make learn german videos... like, you should do them daily cause i love them so much. /sarcasm.

    i like your other stuff much more. /honesty.

  6. When I find myself feeling obligated to only do a certain kind of video, or not do a different kind, I just keep reminding myself: "This is a hobby, I don't get paid for it (partner program does not equal getting paid), screw everybody else and just do what you want." Expectations are the killer. Drop all expectations and just create.

  7. Héctor Said...

    I enjoy the learn german videos, but I like much more the other ones. Really, I prefer the other ones like the daily blog videos because I laugh a lot with them, even if you don't realize that they're funny, they are.

    Everybody has inspiration problems sometimes, but just be yourself and do whatever you wanna do without care what other people are gonna think, do the videos for you, not for your "audience"

    Probably there are a lot of mistakes in the grammar and stuff, but it's just the awesome language barrier :)

  8. Do what you want on your channel. I doubt there will be as many people 'not liking it' as you think. Just do your thing, people will love you. A few always don't but not posting videos doesn't change that.

    We all need a little Kiwi in our lives. :)

  9. like i've been saying, stop caring about what others want. do whatever you want, yo owe nothing to these people you dont know. no ones gonna stop watching [which lets face, is every tubers worst dream]. in fact, i bet youd get more viewers if you put the 'variety' to use :]

    do it, do it now! shit up and do it!

  10. Tried to learn German from your vids, but alas, no luck, Figured out you can not learn German from watching a few vids!
    I'm part German, but that didn't seem to help.
    Enjoy your other vids much more, much less work on my part! :)
    Will patiently wait till you get up and at it again.
    Go Kiwi

  11. Kiwi.. I don't care what kind of videos you make... I always think you're funny. Your face and voice always makes me smile. And honestly... the learn german videos make my brain hurt... I like your funny stuff better... it makes me happy. I don't know if that matters at all or anything... but it's true.

  12. it's not true!! i like your other videos too!

    Actually I like them a lot more...

  13. I think you should do whatever it is that you want to do. Unleash your creativity. Be spontaneous. Don't restrict yourself by catering to the crowd. You should have fun having making videos. If you're worried about those viewers that only want German...then compromise. Make a video entirely in German (about any topic you want) and add english subtitles underneath. Or just eliminate the lessons alltogether. It really doesn't matter what you do. You have a loyal fanbase that will support you through every one of your creative endevours :)

  14. Hmm.. I think a lot of people on the good old tubes have been feeling that way lately.. including me.
    At some point you become almost too aware of what other people think of your videos, and that kinda sucks all the fun out of the whole video-making thing. We need to get back to the basics and have fun while doing it, right?

  15. ich find super, was ben geschrieben hat! ich wünschte, ich könnte dir auch versichern, dass du keine viewers verlieren würdest, wenn du mit den learn-german-videos aufhörst. aber ich fürchte, das wäre durchaus die konsequenz.
    ein paar ideen, die vielleicht absurd sind, aber möglicherweise bringen sie dich ja auf bessere: du könntest einen festen plan machen, dass du z.b. nur alle vier (oder sechs?) monate ein learn german video machst und das auch deinem publikum sagen. dann würdest du vielleicht nicht mehr ständig unter druck stehen, weil andauernd kommentare kommen wie "wann kommt das nächste german-vid?!". du könntest auch einen extra channel für die german-videos machen ... falls du dich bis jetzt noch nicht schizophren genug fühlst ;)
    du könntest theoretisch natürlich auch ganz radikal aufhören, sie zu machen. aber dann müsstest du glaub ich wirklich damit rechnen, einen erheblichen teil deiner subscriber zu verlieren.
    ach, ich weiß auch nicht, ich persönlich mag deine 'anderen' videos auch viel lieber. ich weiß, ich lehn mich hier als tube-noob schon ziemlich weit aus dem fenster, aber ich glaube, ich kann mir deine situation vorstellen: je mehr subscriber, umso größer der druck, alles 'richtig' zu machen, d.h. so, dass alle zufrieden sind. aber das ist der punkt, an dem die kunst stirbt. du wirst vom freien, schöpferischen künstler zum sklaven deiner viewers (yeah, pathos ftw). hast du das video 'sun caterpillar' von brookers gesehen? das hat ein paar extrem inspirierende stellen!

    ich wünsch dir alles gute! :-)